Day 2 | You Forgave Them… But Why Does It Still Hurt Like This? | Series: You’re Healing… But Still Stuck

You said you forgave them…so why does it still hurt like this? Let’s talk about that today, shall we?

Father, search our hearts today. Show us not only what hurt us, but what we are still holding on to. Help us to truly forgive, to fully release, and to face anything in us that still needs healing. Heal what still hurts, and make us tender, honest, and free. In Jesus’ name, amen.

We have all heard many a sermon or teaching on the topic of forgiveness. And I believe it is one that we need to hear more of, so that we can not only say we forgive, but truly live it out in how we think, respond, and release.

We know this: forgiveness is something we can say with our mouths…while pain is still sitting in our hearts.

Many of us have done that. We said it, we meant it, we tried to move on…but something still lingers.

It shows up in how we remember…how we feel…how we respond. And that is what we are addressing today.

Ephesians 4:31–32 (KJV) instructs us, “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”

This tells us something very important.

Forgiveness is not just saying I forgive. Forgiveness requires putting away bitterness, anger, and malice. We have heard this before, right? But do we do that?

Now, if those things are still present…then something has not been fully released.

Hebrews 12:15 (KJV) warns us, “Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled.”

Let’s talk about a root for a minute. A root is not always visible on the surface. But it is there…underneath. And when something is rooted, it keeps producing.

Which means if the fruit keeps showing up, then the root is still alive. You can cut it back, ignore it, cover it—but if the root is still there, it will keep coming back.

Many times, we are trying to fix what is showing…without dealing with what is growing. But until the root is addressed, the outcome will not change.

So when you still feel it…when the memory still stings…when your mood shifts when their name comes up…that is not just emotion. That is a root.

Family, forgiveness, and release are not always the same thing. You can forgive someone…and still be carrying what they did. You can forgive them…and still replay it in your mind. You can forgive them…and still feel the weight of it in your heart.

And that is why it still hurts. Not because you did not forgive…But because you have not fully let it go.

But let us also turn the mirror inward. Because while we are talking about what others did to us, we also have to consider what we have done to others.

There are times we have said the wrong thing. Handled situations poorly. Responded out of our own hurt. And caused someone else to feel hurt because of how we responded.

Matthew 6:14–15 (KJV) reminds us, “For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

So this is not just about releasing others. It is also about recognising that we, too, need grace.

Colossians 3:13 (KJV) reminds us, “Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.”

Christ forgave fully. Not partially. Not selectively. Which means we are called to extend the same grace we have received.

So we have to ask ourselves honestly…Did I forgive…or did I just say I forgave?

And on the other side…Have I made peace with the fact that I may have hurt someone, too?

Family, if every time we think about what happened, our moods change…if every time it comes up, something rises in us again…then something is still there.

And if we are honest, sometimes what is still there is not just pain…it is pride. It is offense. It is the need to be right. But if we hold on to it…it holds on to us.

So the big question is: how do we deal with this?

We do not ignore it. We do not justify it. And we do not keep rehearsing what happened. I got this last one just in the middle of a particular conversation where this was happening. God knows exactly where we are and how to reach us, and He is always working it for our good.

Family, our pains, our hurt, we bring it before God…honestly. We acknowledge it for what it is, not just pain, but pride…offense…the need to be right.

And we release it. Not once…but as often as it rises. As often as it rears its ugly head. That one connected with me as well. It’s not a one-time fix every time and for everyone. For some of us, the process is a bit longer. So every time we are triggered, we pause…we check ourselves…we bring it before God again…until our response begins to change.

Because healing is not just about what was done to us. It is also about what God needs to correct in us.

Psalm 34:18 (KJV) gives us comfort: “The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.”

God draws near to the broken…But He does His work in those who are humble enough to be honest about themselves. The ones who are willing to say, ‘Lord, not just them…me too’.

Family, today is not about pretending. It is about acknowledging. Because what we acknowledge…God can heal. What we release…God can restore.

So today, let us be honest before God. Not just about what we said…But about what we still feel. And not just about what was done to us…But about what may still need to change in us.

Because healing is not proven by our words. Healing, Family, is revealed in our freedom.

And if we still feel it…Then God is ready to heal it.

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